That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
