It was confusing and full of hummus
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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