He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
