three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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