She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
