Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
