Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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