I will die if light touches me.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
