false alarm. still invincible.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
