I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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