I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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