I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I smell stomach acid.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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