I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
