Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
