In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you mean i was at the winter classic?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
