I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So apparently I’m into choking now
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
