I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize