capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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