My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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