see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
