It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
