i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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