just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize