How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
