I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
