Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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