My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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