he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
