Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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