Your face is a jimmy john
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
