1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
