The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize