if you like me you must not know who I am
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
