I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
