just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
