I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Randomize