I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize