I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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