He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
