I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
