she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
