You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
