well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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