i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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