Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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