i love accidental penises.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
