I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
