I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
