Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
