Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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