I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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