I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize