ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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