Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
