He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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