i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
