I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
