Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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