if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
