Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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