so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
