You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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