May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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