drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
