Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
