i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
