WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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