It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
