Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Randomize
