haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
no you cant smoke seaweed
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What drink are we having for lunch?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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