Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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