I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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