My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Randomize
