i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You may now shotgun with the bride
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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