last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
