Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize